


March 16th

by ESawyer



Category: The Book of Mormon - Ambiguous Fandom, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, PTSD, Past Sexual Abuse, THE BOOK THING
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:00:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24678892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ESawyer/pseuds/ESawyer
Summary: March 16th was only four days away, and Kevin wasn't ready.
Relationships: Elder "Connor" McKinley/Kevin Price, Elder Church/Elder Thomas (Book of Mormon Musical)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 57





	March 16th

Kevin Price lived for those few seconds in the morning when his brain had not quite caught up with his body and there was nothing for him to worry about. For a moment, all his brain was interested in was the sunlight shifting through the threadbare curtains of his and Arnold’s room and the birds singing to each other. 

His moment of bliss always went away quickly, replaced instead with the heavy feeling of dread that seemed to pin him to his bed and made the simplest of tasks that bit more difficult. Then there would be Elder McKinley’s voice ringing through the mission hut, telling them all that it was time to wake up and start a day of work that Kevin didn’t care for anymore. 

He frowned up at the ceiling, trying to work out why that dread felt all the more heavier today. He glanced around the room as if the reason he felt so terrible was going to present itself to him. 

“Kevin,” Arnold grumbled from the opposite bed, “Up. Get up,” 

“You’re not up either,” Kevin said. 

“‘M a prophet,” was Arnold’s response. 

Being a prophet, however, did not make someone exempt from the wrath of an irate Elder McKinley at 6:30 AM. Kevin knew it was going to happen as soon as he heard footsteps stop outside of their door. He groaned, but he was drowned out by banging on the door that made his head spin a little. 

“Elder Price! Elder Cunningham! It’s time to get up!”

“We’re up!” Kevin yelled back, rolling onto his front and burying his face into his pillow. 

“No, you’re not!” he snapped, “If you’re not at the breakfast table in the next 15 minutes, I’m dumping water on your head. _Don’t_ test me,” 

“I don’t like your boyfriend in the morning, Kevin,” 

That little threat off Connor was enough to get Kevin out of bed and into his uniform. By the time he had styled his hair and come back from the bathroom, Arnold was snoring again. Kevin called his name a few times before resigning himself to the fact that just yelling at him was not going to be enough. 

When dragging his blanket off him and actually sitting on top of him didn’t wake him up, Kevin grabbed Arnold by his wrists and pulled until he slid off his bed and onto the floor. 

“Mean,” Arnold mumbled, struggling to his feet, “I don’t like you in the morning, either,” 

“I’m going downstairs,”

“Okay. Can you tell Connor that I think he’s mean?” 

Kevin rolled his eyes as he left the room, happy to find the kitchen empty except for Connor who silently handed him a mug of coffee with a peck on the cheek. 

“Arnold thinks your mean,” 

“He wouldn’t think I was mean if he woke up on time,” he said, looking down at his watch, “Where is everyone else? I know we’re not in the Church anymore, but that doesn’t mean that we have to slack off the rules!” 

“We’re gay, Connor,” Kevin said, “I think us being gay is worse than people sleeping in,” 

“No, because there’s nothing wrong with being gay, but there is something wrong with people sleeping in! Look at how many jobs we have today!” Connor exclaimed, pointing over at their chore chart, “And where the heck is Chris? We woke up at the same time!” 

“When I left the bathroom he went in there with James,” 

Connor tutted and stomped over to the chore chart, furiously writing _CLEAN THE BATHROOM_ next to Chris and James’ names. Kevin snickered and sat down at the table, watching as Connor yelled up the stairs again and threatened to dump water over people's heads if they didn't wake up soon. 

Finally, people started to trickle into the kitchen, sleepily picking up their breakfast and slumping in their chairs as they ate. Chris and James were the last to make an appearance, both looking far more awake and far happier than anyone else. 

“What are you looking at me like that for?” Chris demanded as Connor glared at him from across the table. 

“Both of you are cleaning the bathroom,” he snapped. 

“Why?” Chris asked, “I did it yesterday!” 

“You know exactly why, Poptarts,” Connor said, “Stop having sex in communal places!” 

“And stop being loud, please,” Elder Schrader piped up, “It makes us all uncomfortable,” 

“Doesn’t make me uncomfortable,” Chis said brightly whilst James went bright red. 

Connor shook his head and sat down, immediately launching into his daily briefing. It was at this point that Kevin usually zoned out. It wasn't because he didn’t like listening to his boyfriend speak, he just didn’t like listening to him speak about work. He was always much happier to listen to Connor talk about something more exciting than what jobs they had to do and how many baptisms they had coming up. 

“...and Elder Price can go to the market,” 

Kevin groaned, “ _Whyyy_?” 

“Because we live in a democracy and it’s your turn to go,” Connor said, “It’s only a little list if it makes you feel better,” 

“It doesn’t,” Kevin mumbled, slumping down in his chair and folding his arms. 

Connor rolled his eyes, “Grow up,” 

“No,” 

“Don’t start arguing,” Arnold said, “It’s like listening to my parents argue,” 

“Yeah, don't upset your child!” Elder Michaels exclaimed. 

“We’re not your dads, Arnold,” Connor sighed. 

Kevin snorted and turned back to his cereal with little enthusiasm. He had never quite warmed up to goat milk, but it was their only option when no one had been to Kampala for a while. Connor was always against those trips for fear of someone over-spending or being murdered, and he always seemed more worried at the thought of someone going over budget rather than being murdered. 

Once breakfast had been eaten and everyone had found it in themselves to go and start their day, Kevin followed his boyfriend into his office in the hopes that he might be able to convince him to send someone else to the market. He had already planned exactly what he was going to say and was more than willing to throw an extra blowjob in there if Connor needed that extra bit of convincing. 

“You’re still going to the market no matter how much you smile at me,” Connor said when Kevin shut the door behind him. 

“What if I suck you off?” 

“Then you’re going to the market with an aching jaw,” 

Kevin huffed and dropped into the chair in front of Connor’s desk, “Can you not come with me?” 

“No, I have to email Schraders, Davis’ and Michaels parents to assure them that their sons are more than safe, and then I need to figure out the budget for this week and then I need to email our sponsor and make sure that they’re still going to send us next months money,” Connor said, waving his to do list in Kevin’s face, “and then I need to email my parents and beg them to not disown me, even though I already know what the answer to that is going to me,” 

“I’m sorry,” Kevin said sadly, he had still not got into contact with his own parents, knowing what they were going to say to him. 

“Not your fault,” Connor shrugged. 

“Sort of is,” 

Connor shrugged again, “Well, if you’re the reason that I’m going to go to Hell, I don’t mind,” 

Kevin hummed and glanced over at the calendar above Connor’s desk, his heart jumping a little when he saw the date that was just four days away; March 16th. More commonly known in District 9 as: _the day we don’t talk to Elder Price about._ Suddenly, the reason for his rapidly declining mood over the past few days made sense. It was inching closer and closer to a year since it had happened, and Kevin had not even realised. 

“Kev? Kevin?” Connor said, snapping his fingers in his face, “Are you there? _Helloooo?_ ” 

“March 16th,” Kevin muttered, “It’s March 16th in four days,” 

Connor spun around in his chair to look at the calendar, his mouth falling open a little, “Why don’t you leave the market today? You can go tomorrow or when you feel more up to it,” 

Kevin shook his head, “No, it’s okay. I’ll just - I’ll...I’ll go. Trying to remember how to speak Swahili will be a good distraction," 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to-” 

“I’ll be fine, Connor,” Kevin said, standing up and holding his hand out, “Can I have the shopping list, please?”

Connor hesitated before handing the list over, along with the money, “If you need to come home before you’ve finished getting everything-” 

“I'll be fine," Kevin interjected, "I'm a big boy. I can handle it," 

“I know,” Connor said, leaning over the desk to kiss him, “I’ll see you later,” 

Before living in Uganda, Kevin could not walk in the heat for more than 15 minutes. Now, walking half an hour in the sun whilst wearing a shirt and tie barely affected him. In fact, he couldn’t even remember what it was like to be cold, an incredibly strange thing considering he grew up skiing every winter. 

By the time Kevin got home, all he wanted to do was nap. And for once, Connor didn’t lecture him about how sleeping too much in the day was bad for him. Instead, he just kissed his cheek and promised that he’d come up and see him later. 

Kevin climbed into bed and pulled the covers over himself, wondering how long he would be able to stay in bed before Connor physically dragged him back downstairs. 

* * *

Three days. 

It was three days away and he couldn’t stop _thinking._

An uneasy atmosphere had descended on the hut, everyone knew that the day was coming up, and no one knew how to deal with it. Whenever Kevin found himself alone in a room with another Elder, they would give him a sympathetic smile and ask a hesitant; ‘ _want to talk about it?’_ because they didn’t know what else they were meant to say. Kevin always replied with the answer they wanted to hear: _‘I’m okay Elder, you don’t need to worry about me,’_ because that was easier than hearing the truth. 

The truth was that he was far from okay. The truth was that he couldn’t sleep without being plagued with vicious nightmares and had cried so much that his eyes were constantly red and raw. The truth was that he could barely deal with Connor holding his hand because every single touch, no matter how soft and tender, felt violent and violating.

He’d considered telling all this to Connor before realising that saying any of that out loud made him want to throw himself out of a window. So whenever Connor asked how he was, he gave him the reply that he was meant to. 

_I’m okay Con, you don’t need to worry about me._

  
  


* * *

“Morning, Kevin,” 

Kevin shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut against Arnold’s voice as though this would make him go away. 

“Kev?” 

Kevin shook his head again, his jaw clenched so tight he might have been worried that a tooth was going to break if he wasn’t so worried about everything else. 

“You need to talk to me, buddy,” Arnold said gently. 

“No,” Kevin whispered, “I can’t. I don’t want to. I want to be on my own,” 

“Kevin-” 

“Please, Arnold. I want to be alone,” 

“Okay,” Arnold said, his fingers lightly trailing through his hair as he passed. 

Kevin tensed at the touch, hands curling tightly in his blanket until he heard their bedroom door open and shut. He had a brief moment of peace until the door reopened again. Kevin didn’t even have to roll over and look at the door to know who it was. 

“I don’t like the thought of you being on your own right now,” 

“Okay,” Kevin mumbled. 

“Can I stay with you?” 

“No. Go away,” 

“Kevin-” 

“ _Go away!”_ Kevin yelled, taking himself by surprise. 

“I understand that you want to be on your own right now, but I don’t think it’s good for you,” Connor said calmly, “I just want to-”

“When was the last time you had a book shoved up your ass?” Kevin asked, turning over to face him. 

“I - what?” 

“When was the last time?” he demanded. 

Connor cleared his throat, “Well, you know that - you know that it’s never happened to - I’ve never - it’s never happened to-” 

“ _Exactly!_ so don’t try and tell me how to deal with it,” Kevin snapped, “You don’t understand!”

“Then help me understand,” Connor said tearfully, “Let me help you!” 

“I don’t need you!” Kevin yelled, “Fuck off!”

Connor stared at him with wide, tearful eyes and Kevin was so hurt, so angry and so _tired_ that his brain couldn't begin to process that he'd upset the one person he never wanted to upset. 

“I’m sorry,” Connor whispered, “I’ll see you later,” 

* * *

March 16th went by in a blur, and Kevin wasn't sure if anything that happened was real. 

He remembered waking up at 2 AM with a scream dying in his throat because he was sure he was back, but the hands on him didn’t belong to the General, but a terrified Arnold frantically calling for Connor. He remembered Connor trying to calm him, but it somehow made him feel worse. He had blindly pulled his uniform on and ran from the hut, getting all the way to the lake before he collapsed to his knees, his chest heaving as broken sobs tumbled out of him. 

And he supposed that all of that had somehow lead to him lying on the edge of the lake, the feeling of the water washing over him being strangely comforting. If he was still religious, he might have compared it to being re-baptised and having his past washed away. Though he had a feeling that he wasn’t going to be free of everything that had happened in the last year any time soon. 

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed there, but when he heard Connor’s panicked yell, he figured that it must have been a while. 

“Kevin? _Kevin!”_

Water splashed over him as Connor dropped to his knees next to him, brushing his fingers through his hair, “Kevin, baby, speak to me. Can you hear me? Do you need a Doctor?” 

“I’ve not tried to drown myself if that’s what you’re thinking,” his eyes flickered up to Connor and he sighed, "I'm sorry. That was a bad thing to say," 

Connor sighed and bit his lip, “Can you come inside? You shouldn’t be out here,” 

“No. I don’t want to be inside. There’s too many people,” Kevin muttered, “There were - There were a lot of people that day...” he trailed off and squeezed his eyes shut, “I don’t wanna - I don’t wanna be put in that situation where I'm...where I'm outnumbered,”

“Okay. You don’t need to be around too many people,” he whispered, slowly getting to his feet. 

“Where are you going?”

“I thought - I thought you wanted to be on your own,” 

“No, I want - I want you to be here,” Kevin whispered, “ _Please._ I don’t - I don’t actually want to do this on my own. I’m sorry for snapping at you and - and being horrible,” 

Connor stared at him for a few seconds and then lay down beside him, keeping his distance.

"I don't want you apologising for how you feel," he said, "I underestimated how hard this was going to be on you and I didn't listen," 

Kevin turned his head to look at him, unsure of whether he wanted to be close to him or not. Slowly, Kevin inched towards him, brushing his little finger against Connor’s. He closed his eyes and held his breath as Connor gently put his hand over his, his touch so delicate that Kevin might not have noticed if he wasn’t so focused on it. 

As hesitant as anything, Kevin turned his hand over and linked their fingers together, letting out a shuddery breath.

“Do you wanna talk?” Connor asked quietly. 

“No,” Kevin whispered, “I just wanna be here. I wanna be here and not - not _there_ ,” 

“Alright. Here, not there,” 

Kevin wasn’t stupid. He knew that he would eventually end up back there but for the moment, he could appreciate the colour of the sky as the sun began to rise, and the feeling of Connor’s hand in his.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
